Gica

2008-06-16T18:22:00.001-07:00

Is wondering

2008-06-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

Wants to know where her annual journal entry from her sister on her birthday happens to be? What will it be about this year? Did I ride around a chicken trying to find mars?

What to do?

2008-05-16T00:25:00.000-07:00

What does one do when you thought you were over heartbreaks. How do you trust again? How do you not become bitter? I speak of being angry, I speak of not caring? But what does one do when you are in a moment when you realize your heart is breaking in a million pieces. I am not alone, I am not saying I am lonely what I am saying is I am hurt, I have been used, and I have done nothing but fill my day with things like making bors, fixing the house up, etc. At the same time I guess there's nothing more to life than that.

Kitchen

2008-05-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

EASTER food made my me

2008-05-06T22:35:00.000-07:00

GOOD GOOGLEY MOOGLEY

2008-01-30T08:54:00.000-08:00

You're a little bitch.
Push came to shove and you showed your true colors.
When I needed you the most. Or hell when another human being needed you the most, you ran like a dog with its tails between its legs. Way to show courage and compassion.
I can't respect you for that.
You're a little bitch because I wanted the easy way out but couldn't.
We both were in it but only one of us had the option of easily walking away.
While you laugh and make jokes and live your life, you can easily forget about me and that time of our lives.
But while I walk this forsaken earth, I still carry that burden.
Fuck you for being a spineless asshole and running away like a scared dog.
But either way I forgive you cuz while you are out there feeling all good about yourself I have to live with this.
But I also live with the knowledge that when something big and scary happens I don't run to my mom to help me solve everything. I can solve problems on my own. And realizing this makes me know that I would have hated to be anything but a stranger to you. I don't need any spineless folks in my life. That's not how I want to live. Running away like a scared num nuts.

2007,2006, 2005, ..., 1990, ..., 1985, etc

2007-12-26T23:15:00.000-08:00

not any chronological order... kind of like memories running through my head.

Who Wants to Mess w/?

2007-12-18T21:10:00.000-08:00

Dear God, Santa, or the Greek Gods,

what the hell is going?
give me a sign...
some direction?
some self esteem?
how bout a skinny body?

one or all of the obove would be nice,

Ileana

Faux "Turkey" Roll

2007-11-23T07:27:00.000-08:00

coming soon

2007-09-11T08:13:00.000-07:00

Who is Spartacus?
*****I, Ileana Costescu also known as Keana, would be Spartacus. To be explained in greater detail
Who is Cuz Piulita?
*****My sister, Ruxandra also known as Ruxi, would be Cuz Piulita.
Why the nicknames?
*****In a world full of stress and and mundane schedule, ones mind tends to dream of places it can go and see. It also has to do with two crazy funny and melancholy women who have nothing better to do than joke around. Because lets face it, when you put two adults together what else can they do but come up with silly names and stories of their chariots and cherub selves?

SPARTACUS AND CUZ PIULITA

Bliss

2007-08-23T22:05:00.000-07:00

So far so good. The doctors and I have solved my problem. I am finally feeling normal and not as if I am going crazy or just sad all the time.THANK THE LORD. I still get stressed but I am finally feeling as if I can handle it.

Ileana

Limbo

2007-08-10T22:47:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm dealing with doctors and doctor appointments.... Don't really understand what is going on. But supposedly I am doing something even though it feels like it isn't going anywhere. I hope that a month from now all my hardwork and fighting will be a thing of the past.

Ileana

god damn it god damn it god damn it god damn it

2007-08-02T19:50:00.000-07:00

what the fuck? everything i touch turns to shit... i want pozitive things to happen in my life... but it seems the harder i try the harder i fall... heh but there's nothing else i can do but keep going....

Ileana

Too many rambles, too many sleepless nights

2007-07-31T07:25:00.000-07:00

Currently I am working at sleeping better at night. Is it happening? Not really. I am scheduled to to work to overnights this week. Tuesday night and Wednesday night. Today I have an exam and than Thursday I have another exam. It should be interesting. It will be interesting to see how its done. How well I can handle it. Or if I can handle it at all.

I am definetly taking this opportunity to learn and make some necessary changes in my life. I do not want the life I used to have. The life I used to have cause me pain and grief. That is not to say that I did not have good times but none the less my state of mind was constantly in turmoil which allowed me to hate myself.

But this fall semester is about something different. It is about me being more of an adult and less of a child. I mean for godsake I am twenty five years old.

Time to do something about life. Like live it.
Ileana

glasses/what stress does to a person

2007-07-30T07:44:00.000-07:00

So today I stand up to pack up for class because I had just finished my homework. "Where are my glasses?!!!!???? Oh shit.... Did they fall out of my bag in the car? Probably where they are. Oh well don't have to time to go check my car... they should be ok. But what if..." talking like this in my head all the while walking in parkland to class.
As I am walking my brain thinks that my vision is a little bit fuzzy. So i get ready to clean my glasses. FOLKS I SWEAR ITS LIKE THEY WERE TWO OF ME THINKING TWO DIFFERENT SIDES TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. Than the frantic part of me that was searching for glasses realized that the other part of me, i would like to call her num nuts, had her glasses on her face the whole entire time. I blame stress, overworked, and not enough vacation time.

Ileana

had enough

2007-07-25T06:42:00.000-07:00

Unfortunatly today I have met my limit. I just literally gave up doing homework. I don't have the necessary help and I am just tired. My lowest homework point gets dropped any way. I am getting an A in the class. So I am going to be a bad student and take three minutes for myself before I go insane. Until now this semester has been a complete success. I have been on time every single time. I have been in class every single time with the exception of an excused no show. I have done my homework every single morning but this morning is just impossible. It hurts. Every single part of me hurts.

I woke up at six thirty but for the life of me could not get up. I woke up at seven and by eight o'clock I was at school. I bought what I needed for the homework and I was reaching just reaching for the information to come back to me. BUT my brain has had enough. It can not do any more work. I will catch up with it tomorrow. For today its just going to have to have a brain fart. I went to bed 12:30 last night. So one can only imagine how tired and just out of it I am. I am going to have to take this hit for my mental wellbeing. I could run around like crazy to get this homework done but that would only create more stress. Maybe tomorrow I can have some one else do my homework. Maybe I can take a vacation and not think for a whole year.

I decided recently that when I graduate from college I am taking three months of vacation. A much needed vacation. I am opening a speciffic account where I am putting a small amount of cash from every paycheck. For the next four years, that will amount to a huge amount for a three month vacation. Anywhere in the world.

Ileana

tired...

2007-07-11T22:41:00.000-07:00

im just tired... and would like to know when it is the time that i will not feel like a complete loser and jackass?
When is it that I can stop pretending that I am socially adapt. Apparantly I can not be aware of these social apitudes.
Man I feel like I suck some times...

Ileana

Someday

2007-07-04T23:25:00.000-07:00

One day I will live in a remote part of the world. Not very remote but I look forward to the time I step in my apartment in this specific part of the world, and know that I am the only one who knows what truly goes on behind my doors. Right now I am not ready for that sort of thing just yet but some day I will be there.

Ileana

tired

2007-07-01T12:09:00.001-07:00

tired, angry, sick to my stomach

ileana

Recent Development...

2007-07-01T02:06:00.000-07:00

I know who I am. I can be a pain in the ass... foot in the mouth... head in the clouds... strange woman... But one thing I refuse is to do is to continue to make excuses for the way I am. If the world can't deal with how I am, or accept me the way I am, than why am I accepting the world just as it is... No one seems to give a shit about anybody else... That's right I said it... Why? Because for some reason I have been asked by the ones around me to watch every word I say and how it comes out... But when it comes to others being held responsible for aggressive things they say to me I should just take it... I say FUCK NO...
People seem to think I am dumb... But what people don't realize is this.... I am smarter than they give me credit for... They probably don't realize that I notice more than they give me credit for... Yes I act quite strangely and indiferently most of the time but that is because I choose not to join in the pettiness that world seems to love playing along to... Or just pretending or being fake for the sake of getting along... Just don't bring that shit around me... It will get denied... It has been since 1982(hint:the year I was born.)

Ileana the sheerah of idiots

just mind numbing

2007-06-19T07:14:00.000-07:00

Anything exciting? No not really. Is that a good thing? Probably it gives me time to find energy for the things that make me happy and healthy.
On the road to success I suppose. I am seeing a nutritionist, semi active exercise regime, going to school(and even if it takes me ten million years to complete it; by golly gee I will take ten million years to complete school if I have to)
Im also paying my debt to society I suppose. I am mean and evil.

At work they won't believe me that I am mean and evil. Why can't they believe me I am mean and evil? Somebody is gotta vouch for me that I am mean and evil.

My birthday? WAS SIMPLY AMAZING. FOR ANY ONE THAT MADE IT HAPPEN, THANK YOU....

favorite youtube clip

2007-06-16T09:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPaouom_yFg&mode=related&search=

gica turns 25, world gasps with awe

2007-06-13T02:09:00.000-07:00

senor tavaloiu sez "happy birthday!"

learning

2007-06-06T21:31:00.000-07:00

when will i learn? when will i learn that you can't subtract water from a rock? much the same way one cannot force a person to love...

SIMPLY AMAZING

2007-05-30T00:45:00.001-07:00

Mother's Day

2007-05-13T19:58:00.000-07:00

I have had pretty crazy day... For some reason I was the one left in charge at work today. God knows im no good for that but I dunno that's the way the cookie crumbles I guess.

Yes, my boss trusts me, to some extent but the responsibilities that come with the trust are pretty scary. Can I do it? HELL NO!!!!! Do I have to do it? HELL YES!!!! I guess some how I am going to make ends meet. Some where, somehow I will find the strength I always do.

POLLYAAAAAAAAANA

2007-05-12T08:42:00.000-07:00

There is so much to say about this movie... Its a small cheesy movie... But man oh man I grew up on this movie... Imagine if you will two little romanian girls...

Moved to America because of their families. Little sleep over parties. And movies. At one point we knew this movie word for word. (hmmmm if that doesn't make me feel old, i don't know what doesn't)

So today I watched it on tv. I know another entry about watching tv. Now it becomes clear to me why I was such a big fat kid. And I am getting some professional advice from a Nutritionist/Registered Dietician.

Bike: When we first got to America, my parents bought me a bike, two wheels a hippo horn... which I still have, best thing ever, and a set of pedals. But to me it was the best thing ever. All I wanted to do was ride that thing. In circles, around the nighbourhood. To the library. Anywhere I could get away with going to. And I think every once in a while that bike is still around the apartment complex I live in. I have actually moved back to the apartment complex where my family and I used to live when we came from Romania.

wha? memories? where?

2007-05-11T08:07:00.000-07:00

Curse you Ruxi. Last night I was watching The Holiday on tv. And you know the part with the old man, where he is trying to and is scared to climb those three little steps? And he finally makes it? Well damn it, I can't watch that movie and that part of the movie with out laughing my ass off... Remember how we laughed at the fact that I had wish I could spring up some steps with no pain or anything? Damn you, I can't watch that movie without laughing my ass off...

GRRRRRRRR, or something.

AAAAAAAnd you need to bring your ass back to the states... Who else is going to take me to the movies... Who else am I going to bring coffee for because she commands it? Or at least come back and visit.

Ileana

seems...

2007-05-10T12:07:00.000-07:00

seems like i can't really get much of a break...

tired and always complaining... i am pretty sick of hearing me talk... whea whea whea is all i seem to ever do....

that is just a pain in the ass....

Ileana

ACTIVIST FALLEN FROM GRACE??!!!!!

2007-05-01T06:21:00.000-07:00

As I am sitting this morning at my little breakfast nook outside of my apartment, I am reading stuff on my laptop. Ironically enough I am reading about people who are angry, people that are still trying to make a difference, people that give a shit. I am ofcourse talking about those "crazy" activists and all their "rousing, sticking their nose where it doesn't belong" people. I remember being that way.

And what am I doing? I am currently trying to stick with a job. Though I am still crazy enough to be considered an activist. Because honestly in order to be an activist, you do have to be a little crazy. And why must it be that way? Because if you are crazy it gives you a certain power, a certain strength if you will, a power that one does not get while following the crowd, your local mass media, your local corrupt politicians, and local walmart.

Where I am going with this? Even though not so well written this peace is about... this piece is really about the person I used to be. I used to be one of the those "rousing, sticking where your nose doesn't belong" person. And now when I read about the stuff my sister does. The efforts the "rebels" still make to bring a second opinion to the table. In all my years, and experience with activism, apart from sometimes aggressive forms of consciousness, are really about one thing. Its about making sure you are viewing issues from more than one perspective. Thankfully I still have that ability. And thankfully that is one aspect of my personality. Dual thinking has become part of my personality.

And no I am not patting myself on the back or am happy with this by any means. But in a way I think of it this way. All of my teenage years were spent "rousing" and "sticking where my nose didn't belong" so now I can spend a little time on me. On making sure I still have enough love for those around me, making sure I don't end up a bitter old lady with 100 cats, and making sure that when I start having my own kids I can teach them and raise them to be good loving souls.

I am worried about what I put out. Kind of like Karma if you will. I am hoping that if I put enough good "karma" out to those around me, "the world will be a better place."

Ok stepping off of that always funny image that comes into my head when people mention "my soap box." I imagine a little podium, much like one that a director of an orchestra would use, and somebody just stepping down being very proud of themselves having a very zen moment. Yes folks I actually went there. So much for being deep.

Ileana

opportunity

2007-04-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

Over the last week or so my boss has managed to do a 360 on me leave me flat on my ass. Lately she has decided she could use me at another group home. And the amount of compliments I have gotten on from her, a woman who does not really dish out compliments, have been a bit overwhelming. I am doing a good job. GASP... I have grown since I have started working at my current company(but in all honesty I have fucked up sooooooooooo many times) but yet I am trusted by my boss. GASP... All of a sudden people are amazed by me. GASP...

And to my sister if you are reading this.... Where are you how can I reach you? The easiest way? Messenger?

OH JEZUS/Stream of Consciousness

2007-04-20T19:55:00.000-07:00

I need all the luck in the world. Class this summer.

Thinking of my sister and her moving. I was wondering if she stressed. Her friend Francesca said no.

I am thinking of a partner.

What happens when you do everything you are supposed to do. Can you tell you are finally mature?

Is shopping evil? Even if its about taking care of me? Does it cound if I feel bad shopping?

Uggghhhhhh, I think I ate too much at dinner. MUST EXERCISE

I went rollerblading...

I am getting better at rollerblading... Practicing...

Section ID
Title
Credit
Start Date
End Date
Days
Start Time
Stop Time
Building
Room
MAT 095-002
BEGINNING ALGEBRA
5.0
6/11/2007
8/2/2007
MTWR
10:00 AM
12:20 PM
M
140

when do i get to move up in the world

restaurant

food

sex

relationship

fear

love

vegan food

work

people with problems

Obsolete

2007-04-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

Its funny how one becomes obsolete in some one elses eyes. The drop of a hat you are no longer important. People think I am blind. People probably think I don't catch on. But I do. Its true that I can be very air headed and forget little things. But when it comes to people, I have a very honed skill. Lately I have realized how little it means for people to have other people in their lives. I hate that, that is so very much like using somebody. The older I get the more I hate civilization. It only knows how to use and get what they need out of somebody. Go forth and fuck every single person you can up. Consider only your feeling and your feeling only. It isn't a good idea to actually really give a shit about somebody.

I don't want to be part of this stupid rat race. That's what it feels like. A stupid rat race that I can't seem to be part of. The younger people are the more they seem to let whims take them where ever they want them to go. And this is why I wish I was not young. I have had way to many whims and far too many encoutners which left me dry and hurt. Am I blaming anybody? Hell no. I brought it on myself. No matter tho I will live my life the way I see fit.

I want to go camping. I want to rock climbing. I want to go to Mexico and see what the big deal is about Mexico. I want to go visit lots of Europe, Middle East, etc. But it takes a little hard work and some patience from me. I don't care if stupid people come my way. They will eventually drop away from me. I will not let them stick to me. They can pretend to have character and be good all they want. I will not live a lie. I will not let my eyes get the better of me.

This rant was brought to you by being fed up. I hate meeting people who have no character straight through. They think they have it but no way.

Ileana

Revisiting, Memories of France

2006-12-31T03:09:00.000-08:00

Ok, I realize that the following makes me very very very American but I can't help it. The size of our hotel room in France amazed me. It was fine to sleep and live in, I din't mind that, but the sheer smallness of it was funny to me. Not to mention that I think the French, among having a great produce market and great fries, have come up with a cure for claustrophobia. And why haven't the Americans caught on? Because this is only for those that are not obese... Here is the cure for such a problem. You ready? The solution for someone who tends to be claustrophobic is........ Stick 'em in a closet like this, you are seeing this correctly, the toilet and the shower are seperate AND the size of a small walk in closet. *shudder*

In this case I so commend the Americans' "need" for space in a bathroom. I am getting older and I find myself picky in that domain (the way I would feel comfortable in a bathroom).

One bum knee & One Lame Leg(france)

2006-12-30T15:19:00.000-08:00

Here I am greeting the people of Paris. Much like expected, they were thrilled and amazed to see me. AKA, this was taken from a huge hanging garden somewhereabouts of PARIS(read Pari), i think, and yes, yes it was colder than you know what.

Ok at some point of my nice trip, my legs literally decided to give up on me. It started with right knee hurting like ... and than the left knee decided to not leave the right knee be lonesome, so they decided to both protest that this is not a good time to be walking. I also have to mention that most of getting around either had to be walked or a metro to be taken... Which "fortunatly" for me meant lots and lots of stairs. You do the math. One bum knee & One Lame Leg(france). VIVE LA FRANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FRANCE!!!FRANCE!!!FRANCE!!!FRANCE!!!FRANCE!!!FRANCE!!FRANCE!!!FRANCE!!FRANCE
YES STRONG LIKE BULL!!!!
I CAME IN THE NICK OF TIME

It would be really silly to go to France and not eat any chocolate whatsoever. A yummy vegetarian restaurant had Vegan mousse... Yes dear friends that is the face of enjoyment. It was chilled, fluffy(airy), and perfect. After hobbling to our hotel room we went to Germany, in the place where my sister resides.

ileana

2006-12-06T04:34:00.000-08:00

-----
a post by senor tavaloiu
-----

Main Entry: 1) ileana

Pronunciation: \ee-LAN-nah\

Function: noun, real life person

Etymology: see behind the name

1 : human female of romanian persuasion who was once an angelic baby, loved by all, and remained a pacifist/refusenik/non-conformist within the family throughout her transition from childhood to adulthood
2 : one who is both funny and melancholy and an extreme people person
3 : one who though an ex-straight-edger is a vegan for life and has the tattoo to prove it
4 : a drama queen extraordinaire figuratively as well as literally; one with great acting and impersonating abilities (which she can use for good or evil)
5 : one who is somebody's favorite sister in a child-and-friend-at-the-same-time kind of way

synonyms maslinuta, veioza, ilenoza, gica petrescu, piulita georgica

and since i promised poetry and "bard" is my middle name or something

--> an ileana haiku:

my sister - not just
funny and melancholy
but much more complex!

Sfantul Nicolae/St.Nicholas

2006-12-06T00:05:00.000-08:00

I have always loved this day. It was one of the less superficial holiday I have grown up with. I remember as a little child just wainting and waiting and being told about this guy who leaves presents in boots. The idea of leaving presents in some ones boots was such a novel wonderfull idea.

Now I am grown up and still love to pretend and play along. It gives me a feeling of being a kid but I feel like its worth while to keep this going? Bujor? Weren't you speaking of rituals? This is one ritual I can do without but in a strange way keeping the ritual keeps me happy and hoping for someting better.

If you have been nice and you would like to write santa a letter, he now has a website, please feel free to drop him a line:
http://www.moscraciun.ro/

speaketh the trutheth

2006-11-29T11:33:00.000-08:00

vapid \VAP-id; VAY-pid\,
adjective:

1. Lacking liveliness and spirit; unanimated; spiritless; dull; as, "a vapid speech."
2. Flavorless; lacking taste or zest; flat; as, "vapid beer."

Its so strange that daily this doctor dictionary describes exactly how I feel on a day to day basis... The cosmos are watching me.

Ileana

my babies

2006-11-25T21:15:00.000-08:00

travail \truh-VAYL; TRAV-ayl\, noun:

1. Painful or arduous work; severe toil or exertion.
2. Agony; anguish.
3. The labor of childbirth
4. To work very hard; to toil.
5. To suffer the pangs of childbirth; to be in labor.

OH SHIT KEY

2006-11-22T06:48:00.000-08:00

subaltern \suhb-OL-tuhrn; SUHB-uhl-tuhrn\,

adjective:
1. Ranked or ranged below; subordinate; inferior.
2. (Chiefly British) Ranking as a junior officer; being below the rank of captain.
3. (Logic) Asserting only a part of what is asserted in a related proposition.
4. A person holding a subordinate position.
5. (Chiefly British) A commissioned military officer below the rank of captain.
6. (Logic) A subaltern proposition.

THAT"S SO ME>

mollify \MOL-uh-fy\,

transitive verb:
1. To pacify; to soothe or calm in temper or disposition.
2. To reduce in intensity; to temper.
3. To soften; to reduce the rigidity of.

Ileana

2006-11-20T06:49:00.000-08:00

exacerbate \ig-ZAS-ur-bayt\,

transitive verb:
To render more severe, violent, or bitter; to irritate; to aggravate; to make worse

Here we go,

God, Hariskrishna, Allah, and all that is holy please keep me alive until the day I can get a decents day rest. Right now I am alive and well, so far haven't gotten sick. Normally I would be the first one with her nose running but this time I am all good.

I would love to keep it that way. And hopefully I will not fall asleep at the wheel, in class, or while I am making my breakfast(those rare moments that I actually cook any more). These days I live out of cans and microwaveable things. And lets not forget the goodness of chinese takeout.

Peace out yo, have to go to class,

Ileana

Evaluation

2006-11-17T07:03:00.000-08:00

dotage \DOH-tij\,

noun:
Feebleness of mind due to old age; senility.

Where I am at.

In the middle of shit creek.

What am I doing. Letting the current take me. What am I not doing? Not fighting for where I want to go. Why am I not fighting for where I want to go? Because what I want to do is in the far future and I can not grasp the concept of my actions now will have an effect on my future. What do I need to do? Rethink of an immediate goal to help me in my future. What is my future goal? uhm.... uhm... uhm... I have to think about this one...

Small goal to achieve:

On Monday to have all my math homework done.

Larger goal to achieve:

Study everyday for math class... At least even a little bit.

Even larger goal:

Pass math class and pass math class without killing self.

Ileana

gah

2006-11-15T07:33:00.001-08:00

inexorable \in-EK-sur-uh-bul; in-EKS-ruh-bul\,

adjective:
Not to be persuaded or moved by entreaty or prayer; firm; determined; unyielding; unchangeable; inflexible; relentless

germany sounds nice...

Ileana

2006-11-13T08:03:00.000-08:00

idyll \EYE-dl\,

noun:
1. A simple descriptive work, either in poetry or prose, dealing with simple, rustic life; pastoral scenes; and the like.
2. A narrative poem treating an epic, romantic, or tragic theme.
3. A lighthearted carefree episode or experience.
4. A romantic interlude.

I look like death warmed over right now.
Early in the morning.
Worked more hours than I care to count right now
I feel like some one has kicked the shit out of me with a baseball bat.
But it makes me feel alive.
Masochist much?

:-D I was ment to be a poet. Maybe not a very good one but you know.

Ileana

2006-11-10T09:56:00.000-08:00

peripatetic \pair-uh-puh-TET-ik\,

adjective:
1. Of or pertaining to walking about or traveling from place to place; itinerant.
2. Of or pertaining to the philosophy taught by Aristotle (who gave his instructions while walking in the Lyceum at Athens), or to his followers.
3. One who walks about; a pedestrian; an itinerant.
4. A follower of Aristotle; an Aristotelian.

Here we go again. Feels like I am starting all over again. From the beginning. I just fell flat on my face for the gazillion and fourtieth time. And just like the last gazillion and thrity nine times where I stood up healed the scars on my face by putting ointment and bandaids, this time, count(gazillion and fourtieth time), its time to do so again.

As my face is smeared with the ointment and I feel better allready but a bit swollen I am wondering when the fuck is it supposed to get better. You know like the wise and deep saying it will get better. Fuck if I have ever had the chance to encouter that saying.

The universe is out to get me is what I am thinking.

Ileana

one more day

2006-11-08T08:07:00.000-08:00

TIRED, EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY

THE ONE THAT CAN'T SPELL,

ILEANA

YO

2006-10-31T21:10:00.000-08:00

GOT CANDY?

so... IM AN IDIOT

2006-10-30T09:03:00.000-08:00

thanks to harikrishna.... the cosomos.... alah... and all other power beings my ass has been handed to me on a platter...

what is it they are telling me? I AM A STUPID LOSER WHO CAN'T STUDY IF HER LIFE DEPENDED ON IT... Oh well at least now I know not to beat my brain with school... Obviously school is not for me. I can deal with that... My previous tests have ended up in c... I am barely passing the course and I feel like a complete loser and idiot... I have been at my community college for five years now. That alone should have told me that I shouldn't be wasting my parents money. The fuck with this... This only proves something I new a long time ago... Once an idiot always an idiot...

All my efforts are in vain and don't get me anywhere... the hell with it... i am just going to have to live with this...

i hate my life... somehowit always ends in the pits...

135 lbs gained 15 lbs....
school=shit
work=stress

i just don't care anymore

adios,
ileana

Scuze Me While I Pass Out

2006-10-13T08:45:00.000-07:00

extraneous \ek-STRAY-nee-uhsadjective:

1. Coming from or existing on the outside.
2. Introduced from an outside source.
3. Not essential or intrinsic; foreign.
4. Not pertinent to the matter at hand; irrelevant.

DEAR GOD!!!! If haven't known stress before, I know it now. I studied like crazy and I hope I get an A on this test. I have to. In order to get a finishing grade of a in my math class, I have to do get straight A on the rest of my tests. Dear god, HariKrishna, Allah and all the others that can help me out please please please give me an A and tell me I am not a complete moron... If I can get A on this test, I know for a fact that my work is not in vain.

So for the love of god help a stressed sister out and tell her her work is not in vain. I will give up my gangster ways and never sin again.

Amen,
Ileana

2006-10-08T22:35:00.000-07:00

deprecate \DEP-rih-kayt\,

transitive verb:

1. [Archaic] To pray against, as an evil; to seek to avert by prayer.
2. To disapprove of strongly.
3. To belittle; to depreciate.

I WILL GO ON. I WILL NOT GIVE UP. I WILL GET A IN BOTH MY CLASSES. NOW I MUST HANG MY HEAD AND GO ASK FOR HELP IN ORDER TO GET A IN BOTH CLASSES. OR AT LEAST HELP IN MATH CLASS... CUZ IT'S SORT OF KICKICING MY ASS. MOTHER DEAR IT IS TIME FOR A BIT OF ONE ON ONE... HOPE IT'S NOTHING LIKE THE TIMES IN HIGH SCHOOL. I'M SURE YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT EITHER.

ILEANA NOT GANGSTA DANGER

GANSTA DANGER

2006-10-06T08:50:00.001-07:00

Very appropriate for today is.....

privation \pry-VAY-shun\,
noun:

1. An act or instance of depriving.
2. The state of being deprived of something, especially of something required or desired; destitution; need.

I got tired of the name Keana, much like the instant messengers that grow old and outdated my old cool name Keana has grown old and outdated. Keana "cool Name Version" 2.0 has gotten a new name and face lift. Introducing Gangsta Danger 3.0

Almost as cool as "Shaft" but not cooler than a highly intelligent video game player. Meaner than an old lady at a flea market but not a four month old kitten. Sexier than... Ok, you get the idea. Gangsta Danger is her to stay so get used to it mother... Shut your mouth!!!!

PARENTAL ADVISORY!!!!
EXPLICIT LYRICS!!!!

And since I lack any writing abilities please think along the lines of "Shaft's" theme song:

Gangsta Danger
Gangsta Danger
Gangsta Danger
There's not cooler version in town
GANGSTA DANGER!!!
She's the only newer version in town
GANGSTA DANGER!!!
Old ladies at flea markets
GANGSTA DANGER!!!
Only she knows the mean old ladies
GANGSTA DANGER!!!
Old ladies, flea markets, four month old kittens.
GANGSTA DANGER!!!
Watch out four month old kittens.

GANGSTA DANGER Y'ALL

P.S. Obviously there's something lacking or something I need. Maybe I will find it and posts like these would not be necessary.

I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN/PSYCHIC

2006-09-27T10:57:00.000-07:00

ostensible \ah-STEN-suh-bul\,

adjective:

Represented or appearing to be true, but not necessarily so.

so this is kind of creepy... linked to what i dreamt on friday and what i wrote on monday...... a friend from high school sent me the link below... http://www.rense.com/general58/fearthecomingtrain.htm

Me Use My Head Someday

2006-09-25T06:38:00.000-07:00

vertiginous \vur-TIJ-uh-nuhs\,

adjective:

1. Affected with vertigo; giddy; dizzy.
2. Causing or tending to cause dizziness.
3. Turning round; whirling; revolving.
4. Inclined to change quickly or frequently; inconstant.

Oh baby, CLASS CLASS CLASS. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORAY. Or better yet just shoot me now. I do not want to be awake or walking around. I want to be laying in front of the TV with a bag of pretzels and a soda like all normal people. Or half eaten by wild dogs. Which ever comes first. But no Class, Gym, work. Since When have I achieved that much sought after life of an adult? responsibilities,responsibilities, responsibilities, ROCK ON NO LIFE!!!!!

workin it

2006-09-23T16:39:00.000-07:00

stanch \STONCH; STANCH\,

transitive verb:

To stop the flowing of; to check in its course; also, to stop the flowing of blood from; as, "to stanch a wound."

Dusty Children

2006-09-22T05:12:00.000-07:00

This dream caused me to sleep in and almost miss my bus.

Dreaming of poor dusty children on trains. Dreaming of children on trains so dirty that they are black from dust. Afraid of them really. Running to catch some sort of train amongst all these trains. And running away from the kids all at the same time.Tying not to get mugged? beaten? killed? I am not sure why the fear.

opprobrium \uh-PRO-bree-uhm\,
noun:

1. Disgrace; infamy; reproach mingled with contempt.
2. A cause or object of reproach or disgrace.

Thursday, Solace, Coffee Vitamins and a couple of Hamsters

2006-09-21T05:19:00.000-07:00

solace \SOL-is\,

noun:
1. Comfort in time of grief; alleviation of grief or anxiety.
2. That which relieves in distress; that which cheers or consoles; a source of relief.
3. To comfort or cheer in grief or affliction; to console.
4. To allay; to soothe; as, "to solace grief."

COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE
COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE
COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE
COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE
COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE
COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE
COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE
COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE
COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE
COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE
COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE
COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE

Coffee has become my new best friend. In the morning my routine has been my cup of "joe" and my vitamins.

Wednesday, The Clowns Still March In, Eyes Still Popping Out of My Head

2006-09-20T22:27:00.000-07:00

cataract

\KAT-uh-rakt\, noun:

1. A great fall of water over a precipice; a large waterfall.
2. A downpour; a flood.
3. A clouding or opacity of the lens or capsule of the eye, which obstructs the passage of light.

Every time I make it to class I congratulate myself. Not only because it takes me about an hour and a half to get to class by bus(a ride that would normally take about twenty minutes from one end of town to the other) but because I actually do my homework and wake up early enough to make sure everything is done. IF you are one of the few that used to have to struggle with me to do just one problem, you should be amazed. To me homework used to be like Fear Factor. U knooow when they make you eat all sort of NASTY NASTY stuff. Like having to eat squids insides with pigs blood and soaked in cow bile. Not that I am exagerating at all or anything, but still KUDOS to me to finally giving a shit about my education. Its payed for might as well take advantage if it, right?

HEY

2006-09-19T05:13:00.000-07:00

improvident \im-PROV-uh-duhnt; -dent\,

adjective:

Lacking foresight or forethought; not foreseeing or providing for the future; negligent or thoughtless.

I feel like my eyes are going to pop out of my head. Trying to stay on top of it all. Its crazy. For some odd reason I am doing well. Even though a lot of people don't believe it is taking place, this phenomenon of Ileana Costescu growing up. It is actually happening.

Ileana

The clowns Come Marching In

2006-09-18T21:49:00.000-07:00

commodious \kuh-MOH-dee-us\,
adjective:

Comfortably or conveniently spacious; roomy; as, a commodious house.

Idiot Savants of the world unite. My PSY class shouldn't be called Master STudent, it should be called United Class Clown Nations. And I must admit I fit right in. A while back I was just like the National Clown in my class. Young, smart, funny, and a major pain in the ass. Math class going well. I am actually doing what I am supposed to be doing. And frankly I am enjoying the struggle.

And on the front of health. Well, that remains to be seen at the end of the semester. So far so good. Taking vitamins... taking care of what I eat, making sure I exercise, etc. No way am I getting sick and not having a succesful semester. I am determined.
Adios amigos,

Ileana

School

2006-08-30T06:45:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOD!!!!!

I am staying away from drama. Drama has a way of showing up in my life. Allow me to make it clear to the world. I DO NOT WANT DRAMA. I have had plenty of drama in my life and I am not in dire need by any means. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE world, god, cosmos, or whatever allow me this bit of sanity.

I am not in need of help. I am helping myself right now and I think that that is the best thing for my sanity right now. But if I do need help, I am aware of how to help myself out and who and where to go to. So people of the earth that care about me need not be worried.

Am I rambling yet? I don't think so. To the outside world its rambling to me it makes perfect sense. I need this bit of venting even if its on a stupid non-private blog.

And with that said, I have one more thing to explain to the world. I am who I am, if you aren't happy with who I am than leave me the fuck alone. Don't mess with me if you don't like me. I am sick and tired of having to explain to the world who I am and why I am the way I am. I am allowing myself to be the person that I am. If I am angry, nasty, and just plain mean, than deal with it... Or just write me off as a bitch. I don't care just leave me alone and don't fuck with me. I want to be doing some thing for me right now. And yes I do have a lot of anger on my hands right now. I just want to deal with it my way. That is one reason why I am also shying away from a lot of people. I don't want them to have to deal with my anger issues. With my self esteem issues. Im just an angry little bitch who is trying to find a way out of her handmade hell.

Can I help it if I am totally different and insane in the membrane? I am trying to help it but for the most part I am just going to deal with it. Is this stress talking? Probablly!!!!!!

Ileana
P.S. Sorry if you get offended reading this... But I just had to get these few words off my chest.

Silly Pits

2006-08-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Silly Pits.

ELOQOOANT

2006-08-21T13:42:00.000-07:00

TIRED. EXHAUSTED. CONFUSED AS HELL.

Disappointing

2006-08-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

The world constantly has ways of disappointing me. Today is one of those days. I dunno I feel like the world is crap and full of evil assholes who want nothing more than be better than me or anybody else they can get their hands on. I dunno what to do or who to be. I hate feeling like this. I feel like no matter how much I change and no matter what I do. I still end up looking like a know it all little bitch.

And what if I am a know it all bitch. Its better than being a lazy thyroidless ass. At least I try to be friendly. So booya to all the assholes out there. That's right I am mad and I am not going to take it just because you think it is in your right to dish it out.

SUMMER DAYS(how can you tell its summer):

1. You hear children outside running.
2. While the grocery store you see little girls running around in their bathing suits, eating ice cream, and half that ice cream is on their face.
3. While passing Home Town Buffet(the world's largest lard infused fast food place), you see a bus load of Amish people coming out of said restaurant.(also an indicator that it's too damn hot outside)

At this point I am totally confused, angry and just feeling like shit in general.

Ileana

2006-07-30T10:54:00.000-07:00

Flesh Eaters...

2006-07-24T02:41:00.000-07:00

Its four thirty in the morning and I just had a recurring dream now. I dreamt that I was having some sort of party and that at some point my uknown guests, turned into zombies or flesh eaters and wanted to eat my flesh. This time I didn't try to run away or succumbed to fear. I just let them do it. Its interesting to dream about letting some one eat your flesh. Interesting or disturbing? I dunno. Any way ofcourse when they were eating my flesh it wasn't graphic it just was flesh eaters nibbling. But seriously are they real?

And now since I have a quiet mind I am going to do some yoga.

Thanks to all,

Ileana

random stuff

2006-07-21T21:36:00.000-07:00

FAR FROM THE GARDENING CROWD

2006-07-20T20:08:00.000-07:00

Behold what was when I moved in and what is now... My own little piece of heaven:-D I want to know what you guys think.

2006-07-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

A comment that was well received today:

"yo. your blog is mind-improving! thank you. and don't let whoever keep you down - actually, just tell me who it is and i will kick their ass."

I have taken the bull by the horns. Math class isn't going to kick my ass. Damn it I have survived and delt with worse issues. So why would I let school kick my ass? Why would I give it control? Beats me.

Work is really interesting and challenging. I am learning and my patience is stested every day.

In other interesting news, MY SISTER EATS. I just wanted the world to know that. Well she eats like you know, every six to 32 hours, but she definetly nourishes herself just ask Francesca, her friend and office mate, she knows.

(WORD OF THE DAY):

arrant \AR-unt\, adjective:

Thoroughgoing; downright; out-and-out; confirmed; extreme; notorious.

AND yes I am highly A.D.D prone.

Ileana

OY VEY

2006-07-11T08:48:00.000-07:00

word of the day:
mountebank
n.

A hawker of quack medicines who attracts customers with stories, jokes, or tricks.
A flamboyant charlatan.

I gots to class today. I fell like im really struggling with class. But damn it I don't care what it takes. I am going to one day graduate from some sort of university. You hear me world?(or at least whatever is keeping me down?) More to follow after my day is actually done. I will add one to this snazzy little entry after I get back to work. For now I am going to go do my yoga and stomach exercises.

peace out yo,
Ileana

Capapie(what does it mean?)

2006-07-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

Word of the day from dictionary.com, capapie.
Capapie: From head to foot; at all points.

As of today Monday, I promise to myself to allow myself a better life. I will push myself to have time for me and that its ok to dwell in my own self for hours on end on the day. That doesn't make me selfish or bad its just something I have to do in others to help other the way I want.

Anybody else have this problem? Or is it just me? I want to feel like I have control in school. And right now I am realizing it for the very first time. I welcome suggestions. I realize its pretty abstract and one would need more information about this but I seriously don't know how people stay in control all the time. I am what they call a free spirit. That's putting it in kind terms I know but I don't know how to give myself a break and do the job that needs to be done. And once again I am babbling and speaking like and idiot. *sigh* I don't know how to stop acting so nerotic. God or whatever help me. Michael, Uriel, Uzukiel a little something I learned over the weekend.

On the positive side of things, through work I met this woman, remember the awsome coworker?, who so far has been a great friend. Her politics match mine. We just get along well... What can I say you lose a friend you make a friend. The universe is telling me that it won't let me down. I am not alone. Ok enough bullshit for one day. Gotta go do my yoga and my pilates(stomach anyway).

Peace out yo,
Ileana

fourth of july... YO!!!!!!!!

2006-07-04T19:40:00.000-07:00

So for the fourth of July I went to the parade with the people I work with and the other staff. I dug it big time mainly because some people were looking at us funky. I work with people that have developmental disabilities. And if I catch you using the word "retard", you won't hear the end of it from me. Why? Because things aren't what they seem. People that are "retarded" and believe me even there between those two words there's a terminology difference. Between retarded and developmentaly challenged that is. But working here has definetly been very very very good for me. I am good at what I do hey and in my own way I am keeping the activist side of me alive...
Anyway back to the fourth of July bit. In the parade when the gay and lesbian float past by, me and my awsome co-worker were the only ones that cheered. Further down the street some other people cheered. Once again when the green party went by who were the only ones clapping and making a ruckus? :-D Me and my AWSOME co-worker. Than, I stayed at work two ours later so that some one can stay at the house for some one who needs to be under supervision twenty four seven, even tho he/she is sleeping. While the rest of the house went to see the fireworks. Maybe selfishly and egotistically I can say that today I made a difference in some peoples life, even tho it is just a small little fourth of July fireworks and parade. But I feel that if these people wanted to go so badly and want to badly to be part of the rest of the world, and feel normal, that makes me feel like maybe I did a bit of difference in a handfull of people's life. Ok enough tooting my own horn.

Oy vey class... I just LOVE class.

peace out yo

Where does the yo come from? From my co-worker, he always says yo and cracks me up. And I guess since I have done nothing but work with him its rubbed off on my vocabulary.

Represent YO

2006-06-27T02:28:00.000-07:00

This one goes out to all my fans and the one I love/ or the one that loves me? It gets interesting in my head any way...
WORK? What can I say. Its not easy but it's something I am interested in doing. Think your normal work place emotional issues times ten. Or much like the twilightzone sometimes, things happen, you see them happening but you just can't understand why they happen. Thankfully I'm not the only one that happens to, even the older staff sees things my way. Needless to say I finally feel like I did when I was working for the Don Moyer Boys and Girls Club. Like the world finally needs me and my two cents. :-D How strange?
CLASS? I am trying to keep up with the homework, the tests and whatever else my big dork of a teacher decides. Oh yeah it's strange he's a really skinny guy who keeps feeling the need to tell us about his girlfriend, with a big ghetto booty (*clarification* my teacher is the one with the big ghetto booty). It's strange I need to say twilight zone again...
Bottom line? I am getting very well acquainted with being in the twilight zone... All this things I am not familiar with... I won't get started on awkward.

Later ya'lls, peace out and represent.

twentyfour

2006-06-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

ilenute maslinute from the past, suckas:

LA MULTI ANI AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
yours as always,

señor tavaloiu.

Scared? Able? Can I do it?

2006-05-16T05:11:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to say. Its to early in the game for me so say what its like. I just want to do well and to keep going. I can't give up. I just can't. I have to suffer to being a little bit uncomfortable. I can do it but right now im feeling like I don't have it. Please god please give me this one thing? This new job will be good for me in many ways.

THANK THE GOD... Who ever or where ever he may be

2006-05-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou
ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou THEVIN RULES...
He helped me fix my internet connection from miles away no less...
ON THE PHONE...

I have a whole new respect for Thevin.

I'm too angry with thechnology to do any better...

2006-05-10T08:06:00.000-07:00

[technology fix by senor tavaloiu]

YES

2006-05-02T06:01:00.000-07:00

alksdjfaslkdfjaskdljfask;l
dakljfdasklfjkdaslfjsl
dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
Interpretive blogging. Interpret away please.

One minute thought

2006-04-30T15:28:00.000-07:00

How is it possible to feel some ones love from so far away while you can barely feel some ones love that which you have touched and hugged? How is it that just the sound of that person's voice can comfort you and make you feel wanted more than that of a person you have looked in the eye and laughed with? How heartbreaking can it be when you come these realizations. For me heartbreak has come to mean an end to a vicious cycle. A cycle even tough comforting, not where I was ment to be. Not the way I was ment to treat myself. Not the way I am supposed to be allowed to love myself. I choose life. I choose to look up smile and allow the beauty that I see in the world come through. I Keana Costescu choose to smile and allow myself to be loved. The trick is to get others to love themselves. I don't feel I have lost anything. I have gained the heart I have always been searching for. "LOVE just one moment of your life like its the last moment of your life(Janis Joplin)."

BEST CONVERSATION EVER

2006-04-30T09:33:00.000-07:00

ileanacostescu (4/30/2006 11:19:54 AM): eram la lucru alteieri/
i was at work the other day
ruxirandria (4/30/2006 11:20:01 AM): alaltaieri
ileanacostescu (4/30/2006 11:20:07 AM): si vin inapoi spre casa/
when i got back to the cash register
ileanacostescu (4/30/2006 11:20:13 AM): la casa asteptau/
there waiting were
ileanacostescu (4/30/2006 11:20:20 AM): o mamica cu un baietel
a mom and her little boy
ruxirandria (4/30/2006 11:20:20 AM): 5 veverite!!!!!/
5 squirrels
ruxirandria (4/30/2006 11:20:22 AM): oh
ileanacostescu (4/30/2006 11:20:39 AM): =))
ruxirandria (4/30/2006 11:20:40 AM): imi si imaginam/
I was already imagining
ruxirandria (4/30/2006 11:20:45 AM): in fata usii/
In front of the door
ruxirandria (4/30/2006 11:21:02 AM): YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS???
ruxirandria (4/30/2006 11:21:06 AM): HUH HUH?
ileanacostescu (4/30/2006 11:21:22 AM): =))
ruxirandria (4/30/2006 11:21:24 AM): i know, i crack me up too
ruxirandria (4/30/2006 11:21:30 AM): i'm dying here
ruxirandria (4/30/2006 11:21:36 AM): anyway... go on

exhausted/scared/not giving up

2006-04-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

It's all I can do to keep from running for the hills. I don't know bout you guys but this new thing called adulthood is fucking giving me the creeps.
This week has been nothing but STRESS. From people going all awall on me to accepting a new job offer to having to quit my old one. I think my little heart might just call it quits.
If I don't end up with some stability here in a little bit I think I will officially be taken to the hospital. I don't know how much more drama and how much change I can take. I want to keep pushing on and keep making things happen. But some times its so hard to find that reason and motivation to keep you going. Even though things look promising right now I am scared shitless.
Wish me luck.

Battle of Little Orchard Fat Bottom Squirrel

2006-04-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

YES... VICTORY IS MINE!!!!! Much like what's his name in Brave Heart, I fought my battles decently and with honor and many hours spent chiding our next door neighbour in the tree. I call her Fat Bottom Squirel of Evil Plant Eating. But I persevered, after countless hours of nerve racking and chasing the squirrel out of my patch of heaven it seems I have won. Either that or my plants have grown bigger and don't look good enough to eat any more. But I feel confident that its due to my will power to keep hanging on. Now the problem comes down to when my flowers will bud. I must battle on.

Piece of Resistaance

2006-04-26T20:08:00.000-07:00

It only took me an hour or so to make. I honestly amaze myself sometimes. PRETTY

2006-04-26T19:04:00.000-07:00

Time For Recipe of the Week

2006-04-26T18:24:00.000-07:00

Twalk Amwongst Yoselves, I'll Give You A Topic

2006-04-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

Does anybody remember the times the Dixie chicks spoke against Bush's decision to go to war in one of their songs and in the public media? Does anybody remember all the nasty rep they received? Well I think this song is about those times. A song about people trying to shut them up and about how super stressful those times must have been for them.Leave comments talk amongst yourselves. So that I might learn something to. What do ya think?

NotReady To Make Nice

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everythingBut I’m still waiting
I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell andI don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it
I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edgeThat they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it rightI probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

Ileana Who?

2006-04-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

Unbeknowst to me I am no longer imgrant child, legal alien, proud carrier of the name Ileana Costescu. The Bush Administration and the powers of Osco Drug Pharmacies, have seen it fit to make me the female version of Keanu Reeves but with an attitude(meaning imigrant child, legal alien, proud carrier of the name Ileana Costescu). They call me Keana Costescu. My name is no longer the same name as in a Romanian fairy tale. They call me Keana Costescu. Or while I was at the dermotologist, my skin color and ethnicity changed. They call me Keana Costescu. You know the medicine they can give you and due to light and stuff it can actually darken you skin tone? But I don't think that's it. Due to the lack of skin pigment in my skin I could never pass as anything but transperent white. Even the sun won't forgive me. SPF 400 ain't got nothing on me. I still burn even under those situations.

What's the point of this ranting? MY SKIN IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. Nothing makes it happy. Something is always making it unhappy. Im ready to stuff myself or maybe make a wax version of me and put myself out of commission.

They call me Keana Costescu

The Trees Are Calling/Must Take better pics

2006-04-20T22:40:00.000-07:00

Cheese? NO

2006-04-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

So sunny and so nice. This is what I see when I walk out my front door. Kind of a zen like feeling. Or in my case... Do I have my keys, head, turned every light in the house off, shit my coffee just spilled, do I have my buspass, SHIT here comes the bus, RUUUUUUUUUN.

Final Product

2006-04-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

After an hour of simmering down and cooking, this is what I ended up with. I feel as if its lacking something in the presentation. Maybe a bit of salad somewhere on that plate... That way more color would be added. Would you dig into this plate? Please let Gica know because Gica values y our opinions.

2006-04-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

Hey, it makes me want some.
Step some number... I don't keep track.

meat or no meat

2006-04-17T20:24:00.000-07:00

mmmmm CRUNCHAY

What do you think? Meat or fake-o-meat

Real Image

2006-04-16T19:50:00.000-07:00

Look in real life this is what I look like. Scary isn't it?

Easter

2006-04-15T22:24:00.000-07:00

So what does a woman in her right mind do when she's bored at work? She starts spicing it up with people that will listen to her ramblings. So here I am at work for far more hours than I care for and the international community at my work is HUGE. That is one of the main attraction of working in this grocery store(A.K.A. Gourmet Food Store). Ok, Ok, dragging this story on far too long.
The way i entertained myself goes a little like this. If two Indian people walked up to the cash register, while I was ringing them up I would ask which one of them celebrated Easter. At which I would get this wide eyed stare, you know, the one where they don't know how to let me down gently. The one where they don't know weather to yell at me for being so ignorant or be as nice as possible. At which my smile gives me away. Yes juvenile but alltogehter fun.
Oh yeah high light of my day. My boss telling me that killing a cow isn't a moral issue. Its just business and he has to make a profit. At which I just scoffed. I think Monday I will be getting a new job. I will definetly keep you posted.

Rawwwrrrrr

2006-04-15T22:03:00.000-07:00

I am crazy woman hear me roar... What else do you need to know about me? That basically it... Now that you know RUN!!!???????